Dearest American friends who will be reveling in the abundance of food and not the glory of imperialism this Thanksgiving,
1) Let’s just admit it – you’re probably going to feel a little “irregular” due to this food overflow, so you should start eating Activia right now according to all the ads I’ve seen recently. Not only is it smart, but women everyone are partaking in this amazing food adventure!
My friend Heather looovvveeesss yogurt, and eats more yogurt than anyone I’ve ever met.
2) This holiday can also be a little ostracizing for the vegetarian community, as we do not bask in the glory of dead turkeys. BUT, if you’ve never read this book, you should.
In a playful parody on the classic Christmas poem, Pilkey brings a busload of children to a turkey farm where they befriend birds Ollie, Stanley, Larry, Moe, Wally, Beaver, Shemp, and Groucho. The drama begins when the children question the farmer about an ax they have found, and his answer — that he plans to slaughter their friends – brings them to tears.
Happily for the children (and the turkeys), the farmer and teacher rush away to get cups of water to calm the crying children, which gives them time to become “calmer” and “mysteriously fatter.” After they waddle onto their school bus, many with feathers busting out of their jackets, the farmer discovers his turkeys have disappeared!
I’m going to ruin the adorable ending for you:
The very next evening
Eight families were blessed
With eight fluffy Thanksgiving turkeys
They feasted on veggies
With jelly and toast,
And everyone was thankful
(The turkeys were most!).
3) Holidays can be kind of crappy for people with annoying extended families. I understand completely: I’m a feminist, liberal, unmarried, vegetarian, childless woman in graduate school procuring an allegedly pointless degree. But now is the time to see the virtuosity of patience, or develop your niche for witty comebacks. Check out Amanda Marcotte’s It’s a Jungle Out There: The Feminist Survival Guide to Politically Inhospitable Environments for some comedic moral support.
4) And last but not least, consider sharing some of your abundance and wealth with others who can’t this holiday season. Donate some canned goods to your local plethora of shelters (homeless, domestic violence, orphanages, etc).
Donate some money to Feeding America where every $1 helps to provide 7 meals to hungry families. How that is even possible in this economic downturn, I’m not sure.
Or, save a turkey through the Farm Sanctuary. Because turkeys are in such high demand on Thanksgiving, they’re exempt from any animal protection laws. And hey, if you’re not cooking one, at least you won’t burn one!
Take care, and have a fantastic break!